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Tips for Parents of Teens
by Thomas Casady, Lincoln Chief of Police

My friends:
I really believe that kids today are as good (and in some respects, better) than ever. Parents, on the other hand, could use some improvement. With the increased risks kids face today, my generation, the baby boomers, seems to need some very specific pointers. Here's a dozen from the police chief. If the shoe fits….

1. Clear Expectations
   Make it absolutely clear to your kids what you believe and what you expect. Don't assume that they know where you stand. Most kids are bonded with their parents, and they don't want to disappoint them. If they know you feel strongly about premarital sex, underage drinking, or illicit drug use, they are less likely to engage in these behaviors. Mom and Dad give them a strong reason to resist temptation.
   
   
2. Curfews
   All teenagers need a hard and fast curfew until they have reached the age of 19 or graduated from high school. I suggest 10:00 PM on school nights, and midnight on other nights as a reasonable curfew. Exceptions for older kids on special occasions should be just that—exceptions specifically approved by a parent in advance on a rare event such as a chaperoned post-prom party.
   
   
3. Unstructured Time
   With teenagers, it pays to minimize the quantity of purely unstructured time during the week. Teens need schedules. Time for homework, family time, part-time work, volunteer hours, household chores, sports and other extracurricular activities all provide structure to the week, and reduce the amount of unstructured time. Avoid a situation in which the major out-of-school activity is "hanging out" or "cruising." I know it's hard to stay up past the weather forecast, but I urge you to check out O Street at 1:00 AM on a warmish Friday or Saturday (that would actually be Saturday or Sunday) and see what you think. It is not the same as cruising King’s in 1969.
   
   
4. It's Three O'clock: Do You Know Where Your Kids Are?
   It is vital to know where your kids are, what they are doing and who they are with. You should know the full names of friends, where they live, when to expect your teens home, and exactly where they are going and what they are doing. There is nothing wrong with checking up on your kids now and then. Keep in mind that this is not just a nighttime issue: many problematic behaviors are happening right after school--before parents are home from work.
   
   
5. Sleepovers
   Overnight stays with friends should not be a weekly occurrence, and something is a bit amiss when high school aged kids want to spend Friday and Saturday night at a friend’s house. Think about it: wasn’t it about 7th grade or so when this was no longer cool? We frequently encounter kids out and about who have lied about staying with a friend, or host parents who are unaware that another teen is supposedly spending the night! The favorite place to stay is often the home with heavy-sleeping parents and a ground-level escape hatch. Never let your teen stay with a friend unless you know the parent and have discussed it in advance with the parent. Remember that you are entrusting someone else to provide a suitable environment for your teen.
   
   
6. Digital Breadcrumbs
   Everyone has a camera these days (it’s inevitably part of every cell phone), and there has been a huge proliferation of video systems in businesses and public places. As a result, both you and your kids are caught on camera several times every day. Several people at the party are taking photos, some of them covertly. And if you haven’t heard about “sexting,” you need to look it up. A 15 year-old may have no idea whatsoever about how those photos will come back to haunt him or her when they are a 18 year old applying to the United States Air Force Academy, or a 37 year old nominee for the District Court bench. The same should be said about personal blogs, Facebook posts, MySpace pages, and so forth.
   
   
7. Camping
   Camping is a great activity for teens, but you might be suspicious when your teenager who claims to have an allergic reaction to mowing the lawn suddenly wants to commune with nature on Friday night by going camping with friends. Maybe something other than s’mores is being consumed by the campfire. We often encounter underage drinking or other high-risk behavior at area campgrounds and lakes. I heartily recommend camping, but I also suggest parental participation.
   
   
8. Party Time
   Police officers encounter alcohol at teen parties regularly. Talk to your kids about this, and I think they will tell you that it is common for someone to be drinking at parties. Don't let your kids go to parties at private residences unless you have personally spoken to the parents who are hosting the event, and unless you trust them to ensure that the event is alcohol free and that they will be paying attention to what's going on downstairs. Stay up until your teen comes home, and use your nose!
   
   
9. Motel and Hotels
   Don't even think about renting a motel room for your teen, or allowing your teen to attend a gathering at someone else's motel room. Although motels have generally clamped down on teen rentals due to damage and complaints, it still happens with some regularity. This is particularly true on prom nights and during State basketball, volleyball, and wrestling tournaments.
   
   
10. Home Alone
    I don't think it's a good idea to let high school aged youth stay at home alone while parents are out of town--even overnight. We often encounter teen drinking parties at homes where the parents are gone. I know you don't think your teen would do such a thing, but the temptation is great. There are going to be three tough years when your teen is too old for a babysitter and too young to stay at home alone. This is when grandparents and best friends can help. Just remember to return the favor when the shoe's on the other foot.
    
    
11. Private Matters
    The fourth amendment does not apply to parents. Too many parents are ignoring dangerous behavior right under their nose—guns, drugs, gang paraphernalia, alcohol, cigarettes. If the police are finding these kinds of things in bedrooms and automobiles, you have to wonder why parents aren’t. You are free to look around in your teen’s room, car, drawers, closet, books, backpacks, under the bed, above the ceiling tiles, inside the ductwork, under the spare tire, in the ashtray, glove box, trunk, etc. An obsessive concern with adults looking around is a major warning sign.
    
    
12. You Aren't That Mean
    All teenagers of all generations try to convince their parents that every other parent lets their kids _________(fill in the blank). You tried this on your parents, didn't you? Don't fall for it. The other parents feel pretty much the same way you do. Doubt it? Call them and ask. What you will discover is this: that despite the kids' claims to the contrary, nobody's parents are comfortable with the idea of six teenagers loading into a car and driving to a concert in Kansas City. As soon as one parent expresses this feeling to another, the game is over.
    
    
13. "You Don't Trust Me"
    This is the neutron bomb of parent-teen relations, usually deployed when you are expressing some discomfort with a scheme suggested by your teen, and normally preceding the "you-are-so-mean" approach. Don't feel guilty. There's a pretty fine line between trusting and being gullible. Here's my favorite response: "I trust you. But I love you even more, and I don't want you to worry that I'll be worried." By necessity, these suggestions paint with a broad brush. Obviously there are exceptions, and there are exceptional kids. If it helps to get the job done, please feel free to blame me for your hopelessly old-fashioned and out-of-touch rules.

Sincerely,
Thomas K. Casady
Chief of Police

• Did you know that a killer could be lurking in your home or car right now?

• The problem is, this killer can strike without ever being seen, heard or smelled.  

   

• Each year, carbon monoxide poisoning kills nearly 500 people nationwide and sickens thousands more. The CDC ranked Nebraska as the state with the highest reliable mortality rate from carbon monoxide.   In 2008, the Nebraska Regional Poison Center received 214 calls concerning carbon monoxide. In 2009, we surpassed that number.  More troubling is the fact that this figure can be misleading because carbon monoxide poisoning is often under reported.  It is imperative that the citizens of Nebraska understand the dangers, the symptoms and how to prevent poisoning from carbon monoxide.

  Symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning include sleepiness, headache, dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, shortness of breath and convulsions.  The first step in treating carbon monoxide poisoning is getting the victim to fresh air.  Then, seek medical attention immediately.

  Carbon monoxide is a gas produced when fuels burn incompletely.  It has no color, taste or smell. The major causes of carbon monoxide poisoning include:

  • Using heating equipment that is in poor repair.
  • Lack of ventilation in a car.
  • Using a charcoal grill indoors.
  • Using unvented space heaters.

  When fresh air is available and fuel is burning properly, there is little danger of carbon monoxide poisoning.  However, operating an internal combustion engine or a poorly adjusted fuel-burning appliance in a closed area without proper ventilation can become fatal. 

   

  The Nebraska Regional Poison Center offers the following suggestions to help prevent carbon monoxide poisoning:

  • Inspect all fuel-burning equipment yearly.
  • Vent fuel-burning heaters to the outside.
  • Do not use a gas range or an oven for heating a room.
  • Never use a charcoal grill or hibachi inside.
  • Install carbon monoxide detectors on every level of your house.
  • Never leave a car running in an attached garage, even with the garage door open.
  • Have the vehicle muffler and tailpipes checked regularly.

   

   

  The Nebraska Regional Poison Center offers tips on carbon monoxide poisoning prevention as a free community service.  If you suspect carbon monoxide poisoning or if you have any questions, contact the Nebraska Regional Poison Center at (402) 955-5555 in the Omaha metropolitan area or toll-free at 1-800-222-1222 (in Nebraska and Wyoming).

MAKING YOUR HOME A SAFE HOME
- Tips From the Safe Home Parents Network

1. Always arrange supervision for your children when you expect to be away.
2. Call ahead to confirm your child's social plans BEFORE  you give permission for him/her to participate.
3. Verify that activities are supervised by responsible adults and that all activities are drug free.
4. Provide secure storage for all alcohol in your home away from your children. 
5. Be visible when parties or gatherings are taking place at your home. Observe what is happening in subtle ways by replenishing the refreshments, removing trash, or suggesting an appropriate activity.
6. Be aware that most of youth alcohol and other drug use takes place in homes when parents are absent.
7. Recognize the social pressures on today's young people. 
8. Do not hesitate to contact the school if you have questions or concerns.

• Attention Students and Parents
  
• Students are welcome to join us in the A100 Study Hall Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday from 3:10 to 4:00 p.m.
• It is a quiet environment where students can come and complete their homework and get help if needed.
• Also, if a student misses a test their teacher can put their make-up test in Ms. Pester's mailbox, inside a folder with teacher name on it, and Ms. Pester will proctor it.
• Students can stay the entire time or leave when they're done.